The Chair lives...
The Chair lives vicariously through itself.
The Chair once taught a German Shepard to bark in Spanish.
The Chair never says something tastes like chicken... not even chicken.
The Chair's been known to cure narcolepsy, just by walking into a room.
The Chair once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels.
The Chair's a lover, not a fighter, but The Chair's also a fighter, so don't get any ideas.
The Chair is left-handed. And right-handed.
The Chair has amassed an incredibly large DVD library, and it is said that The Chair never once alphabetized it.
You can see its charisma from space.
Its blood smells like cologne.
The Chair doesn't believe in using oven mitts, nor potholders.
Its seat feels like rich brown suede.
The Chair owns three sports cars and rents five.
The Chair once taught a horse to read email for it.
The Chair once brought in $13 million at a charity auction,
Respected archaeologists fight for its discarded cushions.
